Expanding Joy Coaching

I am feeling in limbo with no real goals or desires right now.  Is there some way I can release my need for a goal at this time or something I can do to find a goal or the goals within me? -Andrea

This is a great question Andrea.  My first question to you is… Where is your “need” for a goal coming from?

If you feel like you “should” have a goal because someone else (a specific person or society in general) says you “should”, when you would really prefer to just enjoy “being” right now, then no wonder you are not feeling motivated.  Inspiration and motivation to create something new in your life rarely comes when you do it out of obligation to someone else.  So, if it turns out that you are generally pretty happy with your life and the need for a goal was coming from an outside source, then the best thing you can do is just let it go realizing that it was never your goal in the first place.  Trying to get motivated from that place is just a waste of time.  Go back to just loving your life.

On the other hand, if you are clear that it is YOU that is looking for a new direction in life and it is more of a “want” coming from within instead of a “need” coming from another, than that is a different story.  In this case, what you are looking for is inspiration.   And one of the biggest killers of inspiration is the need to make it come sooner, or the need to figure it out at all.  The most powerful thing you can do to break open the barriers of inspiration and allow thoughts and ideas to flow in, is to raise your current vibration to the same level that inspiration vibrates at.  Inspiration vibrates at the same level as joy, excitement, fun, hope, laughter, love.  So, start finding ways to feel all those wonderful emotions more consistently… What makes you feel good?  Is it being out in nature, helping others, gardening or another hobby?  Make a list of what you are grateful for.  Rent a bunch of funny movies.  Read inspirational stories.  Do whatever you know works for you to make you feel good, or try something fun and new that you’ve always wanted to do.

Then, if that pesky “need” for a goal starts popping into your head again, just remind yourself over and over that the quickest way to block the flow of inspiration is to focus on “needing” to figure it out.   Then remind yourself over and over that inspiration comes from joy, so the best thing you can do to speed up the process of figuring out your next goal is to find what brings you joy and do it a lot!  Then, the goals will present themselves naturally.

Ah the power of surrender. Marji, one of my clients, gave me permission to share this with all of you so you could be reminded that what you truly want can come to you. After you are clear on what you want, the most powerful thing you can do is let go of the need to know how you will get it. When the resistance is released, the universe can bring it on in! I see this happen for clients over and over. Enjoy the story and know that this is possible for you too.

Dear Michelle,

For nearly a year, I had on my vision wall/board a picture of a pretty red Ford Escape Hybrid. It was sort of my dream car. While it had some drawbacks, it really offered what I wanted: better mileage than my current vehicle, SUV size and more room for me and the dogs.

Then came a realization that most escape hybrids cost $26,000-32,000…well out of my price range. The other realization was that there aren’t a lot of escape hybrids, new or used for sale.

SO, about a month or so ago, I took a deep breath, gazed longingly at my little pretty red ford escape hybrid on my wall and said “Universe, I’m letting this go…do your work” and promptly forgot about my dream of a hybrid suv, going so far as to take down the picture and recycle it.

For the past several weeks, we’ve been car hunting. To retain as much value as possible for my truck, I needed to sell it before year’s end. My dad did a good portion of the boring, grunt work of looking into ads (thank goddess). He was able to find a few hybrid SUVs but the painful reality set in again that I couldn’t afford a vehicle that cost more than $20,000 out the door and all the ones we looked at were beyond that number. Then dad told me about a used hybrid in Fremont. It had a bit more mileage on it than we cared for but it seemed to be in otherwise good shape. It was under $20,000 ($16,400) and they were willing to take $3,000 for my truck as a trade-in (we didn’t expect any more than $2,500). Long story short, I drove the hybrid home that very day. While it needs some minor work done at the shop, it’s nothing major and will not harm the future soundness of the vehicle…plus, all work is being paid for by the brokerage/dealership.

I’m sure you can guess what car it is: A pretty red ford escape hybrid.

I just turned 30 this year, and I always thought I would’ve been married by now. Instead I have found myself in several very long term, deep relationships. The last one I actually thought we would marry. Instead I broke it off with him after figuring out that he actually brought too much negative energy to my life. Once again I am disappointed and frustrated with being lonely and not finding the right companion! I am starting to think life might be better for me without the expectation of a partner. Instead, just enjoying my life the way it is. The rest of my life feels like its falling together nicely in terms of work, play and rest. Any thoughts?

- Suzanne

Suzanne, the universe is a wonderful mirror that offers us insight into what we believe. What this means is that every physical manifestation starts out as a belief whether it is one that serves us well in what we want to accomplish or one that does not serve us so well. If it’s one that is not serving us very well, the universe will continue to spit out physical manifestations that match that belief until we become aware of the belief and consciously change it. If you keep experiencing relationships that have the same pattern of being long term but ultimately not the right fit, then a powerful question to ask yourself is “What do all these relationships have in common?” And then, “What is the belief (usually fear based) that doesn’t serve me that underlies that common theme?” A few possibilities are: “I am afraid of being alone”, or similarly, “My life is not complete without a partner”, or “I don’t deserve a partner that is a perfect fit”, or “A partner that is a true fit for me just doesn’t exist”. All of these can cause you to stay in a long term relationship that isn’t going anywhere because fear is playing a part in attracting in the relationship and/or fear is playing a part in your decision to stay in the relationship. So do any of the above fear based beliefs, or some version of them, ring true for you?

After you become clear about the old, limiting belief you have been holding on to, then you can start consciously replacing it with another empowering belief like “I deserve a long term partner that is truly the right fit, I know he/she is out there, and I am at peace with whenever he or she decides to show up.” And an important belief to compliment that is, “I am whole, perfect, and complete with or without a relationship”. That is why I really like the new intention you have put out about just enjoying life the way it is without a partner and focusing on the areas that are going well. Letting go of that expectation can be very powerful in releasing resistance and enjoying your life just the way it is.  In addition, seeing yourself as complete just the way you are, will raise your vibration to the level of the kind of partner you truly want to attract in. Then, when your partner shows up, and he will… he will be a vibrational match to what you truly want, which is someone who knows you are his perfect fit, knows he deserves you, knows he doesn’t NEED to be with you, but WANTS to be with you, and sees the power of your partnership. And with that partner it will be clear to both of you that marriage is in the cards.

In these tough economic times, what are some practical ways we can manifest wealth?

- Linda

That’s a great question Linda and one that I believe is on the minds of many people these days.  First and foremost, all the action in the world cannot produce the consistent, steady stream of income we all desire if we are consistenly creating our lives from a place of lack.  All manifestation starts as a belief, so if your predominant belief and vibration is based on lack or “not enough”, the law of attraction can only draw to you more of the same.  Changing your beliefs about money and the way to respond to money is first and foremost. Only after your beliefs, and therefore vibration, starts to reflect the abundance that is your true nature, can the ideas, people and circumstances needed to create wealth and consistently live abundantly start showing up.

So, here are some practical tools you can do every day to start raising your vibration and shifting your beliefs around money.

1. Let go of any blame, guilt and shame around money and replace it with forgiveness & acceptance- blaming, guilt and shame about your situation holds you down in that low vibration of disempowerment that blocks the flow.  Forgiving yourself or others who you feel contributed to your current money situation and making peace with where you are will start to raise your vibration up and open you to hope and possibility.

2. Replace fear-based thoughts (ex. There is no way I am going to get a high paying job in this economy.) which just feed the ego and perpetuate the lack mentality with empowering, solution-focused ones (ex. There are plenty of people getting great jobs out there every day and so it is possible for me as well.) But don’t just say them if you don’t believe them.  Find thoughts that feel better but are also BELIEVABLE.

3. Ask empowering, solution-focused questions. Linda, you have a perfect example in your question above.  “What are some practical ways I can manifest more wealth in my life?” or the one on my wall… “What are some easy, effortless ways I can manifest money this month?” The ideas, people and circumstances are out there, and asking these empowering questions will start tuning you to the vibration of what you are looking for.

4. Prove your new belief! Go looking for proof that what you want to experience is out there.  Talk to friends who are flourishing in this economy and find out how they do it.  Read books and articles about people who do what you like to do that are very successful. For the example in #2,  look at Craig’s list and count out all the high paying jobs that are being offered right now.

Changing your beliefs is a daily practice.  It takes time and intention.  Be gentle with yourself.  You don’t have to be perfect with it.  Like many things, the more you practice it, the easier it will get.

Just a little reminder of the Guiding Principles of Expanding Joy Coaching

1)The Truth of who you are, your natural state of being, is love, joy, wholeness, wellness, abundance and peace.  When you remember your Truth, and believe your Truth, the universe will support you in Living your Truth.  These principles were created to guide you back to that Truth.

2) Without exception, your beliefs create your reality through the Law of Attraction.  If you want to change your life experience, you must let go of the old beliefs that are creating your current experience and embody new empowering beliefs that will support you in creating the reality you want to experience.

3) You have a inner wisdom, a higher self, that always knows your Truth and always holds for you the highest, best possible experiences to living that Truth.  When tapped into, this inner wisdom will always guide you back to your Truth, and in turn towards the experiences you desire (money, health, healthy relationships etc.) that reflect that Truth.

4) Your feelings are indicators of your level of alignment with your Truth.  They are always there to let you know if you are moving towards or away from your Truth.

5) Creating a new way of being takes practice. Like every habit we create, it must be reinforced over and over until it is as natural as breathing.  Be patient with yourself.  You will get there.